Tatiana Khodakova
“The world doesn’t respond to your words. It only resonates with your vibration” (Eastern wisdom)
The practice of gratitude has become one of the most popular tips in the self-development sphere. We are promised that simply listing reasons for joy will immediately trigger miracles in our lives. However, for many people, this practice turns out to be not a springboard upward, but a way to slide down: it amplifies feelings of guilt, emptiness, and internal conflict.
In this article, we will explore why the usual “Thank you” doesn’t always have power, and how to ensure that this powerful energy truly starts to change your life.
The Energy of Gratitude: A Tune-Up for the Mind, Not Just Words
Gratitude is undoubtedly a super powerful energy and an effective tune-up for the psyche and brain. Its effectiveness cannot be denied. Its purpose is to shift your mind from a mode of seeking danger and negativity (which is an innate defensive mechanism) to noticing positive moments. However, this practice has several not-so-obvious pitfalls that can not only nullify your efforts but also cause harm.
Three Reasons Why Practicing Gratitude Backfires
When you do something that requires emotional investment, it must be sincere. And that’s where the pitfalls arise:
1. Gratitude from a Victim and Worthlessness Perspective
What happens when someone says, “I thank the world and life,” but deep down, often subconsciously, they feel insignificant or live in a victim mentality?
- Internal Conflict: At a conscious level, a person strives to be grateful, but subconsciously feels their insignificance. This gap creates a strong internal conflict and feelings of guilt for inauthenticity.
- Backlash from the World: The universe and the world do not respond to your words. They only resonate with your internal state and energy. If you project to the world, “I am insignificant”, then even in gratitude, you receive precisely that confirmation. The world reflects your inner truth.
Important: If you want to understand yourself but cannot evaluate yourself from within, look at your life. What is happening is a vivid manifestation of what you create inside yourself with your thoughts and feelings. If you are unable to be sincere, it’s better to put the practice of gratitude on hold for now. First, you need to recognize this internal point of conflict, and then re-tune your mind.
2. Gratitude from a Position of Pride
The second barrier is egocentrism and pride.
Gratitude works only when you embrace life in its entirety. But if a person views the world and others from a lofty position (with thoughts like “I know better than anyone” or “I’m above this”), they essentially transmit their own inadequacy to the world.
- Psychological Fact: Excessive pride is often a manifestation of low self-worth. A person who cannot bear this truth about themselves constantly tries to “jump to the top” and look down on everyone.
- World Reaction: The world cannot be deceived. It reads your low self-esteem hidden behind pride and sends you constant confirmations that hit that very ego. You attract situations where you are insulted, belittled, or treated poorly.
Law of the World: If you do not heed the signals, the world amplifies them. If the first time you received a “teaspoon hit to the forehead,” the next time it will be a “cast-iron ladle.” Learn to listen to what the world is telling you about your inner state.
3. Gratitude as a Ritual Without Meaning
If your practice is reduced to mechanically writing or saying words of gratitude, it is doomed. Why? Because you’re substituting internal work with an external ritual. You wrote the words and feel as if you’ve completed the action, but there will be no effect.
How to Activate the True Power of Gratitude: Three Steps
The true practice of gratitude isn’t esoteric; it’s a mental property related to the reticular formation. You intentionally train your mind to notice the positive
Step 1: Sincere Observation and Search (Start Small)
Your mind is innately tuned to seek out negativity (because negativity equals danger). Your task is to switch that.
Task: At the end of the day, find at least one moment for which you can be sincerely grateful to the situation or the world.
What to Look For: Any positive moments—like a cup of delicious coffee, someone holding the door for you, or finding a good parking spot.
Important: Don’t squeeze every last drop out of yourself. If you didn’t find a reason that day, don’t perform the practice. Mark it as “zero” and continue searching tomorrow.
Result: You switch your brain to a different mode. Instead of seeking confirmation that everything is bad, you look for confirmation that something was good.
Step 2: Complication — Gratitude to Yourself
Once you’ve developed the skill of noticing external positives, move on to a more complex stage: finding reasons to say “thank you” to yourself.
- What did you do today that brought you closer to your goals?
- What affirmed your self-sufficiency, strength, or kindness?
This is a cognitive practice that directly works with your self-esteem. Don’t start with this step if your self-esteem is “at rock bottom.” Begin with the first step.
Step 3: Awareness and Motivation
For the practice to work, two conditions are necessary:
- Awareness: If you’re used to living with automatic thoughts, you won’t see what’s happening inside and around you. You need the skill of observation. If you catch yourself on “autopilot,” first focus on developing awareness.
- Motivation: Why do you need this? If you’re doing it “because it’s trendy,” you’ll last only a week. The psyche and the world are inert—recalibrating takes time. Your motivation should be deeper: “I want to break old patterns,” or “I want to live in a different reality.”
Conclusion: If you find yourself in internal conflict (unable to sincerely express gratitude, forgive, or accept), do not engage in this practice! Don’t harm yourself. First, you need to acknowledge your starting point, accept your “imperfections” in the moment, and then, armed with awareness, proceed to a deliberate recalibration of your thinking.
Gratitude should become a natural part of your mindset, not a forced ritual
Finally, remember that gratitude isn’t a way to deceive the universe; it’s a way to recalibrate yourself.
The true power of this practice lies not in the words you write but in shifting your internal focus.
By recognizing your states and resolving associated conflicts, you’ll find that reasons for gratitude grow naturally. Events become more vivid, and feelings of appreciation deepen and become more authentic.
Don’t chase miracles; work on yourself. When you change your internal reference point, the world around you is compelled to reflect your new, brighter reality.
Start small, but be honest with yourself. This is the key secret to effective gratitude.
Photo by Nellie Adamyan
Translated by Maria Zayats
Read also:
A reality, where there is no fear
How Our Feelings Change DNA and the World Around Us
Татьяна Ходакова
Практический психолог
Интегративный подход
