“Any system breaks down where the material resistance is ignored. In the architecture of life, this resistance is called fear, and ignoring it is violence against oneself”.
Have you ever been told, “But you can’t”? I think many have heard this. And then, when you pushed through yourself and still achieved the result, you would hear approvingly: “See, you can do it when you want”! In that moment, you internalized a dangerous belief: violence against oneself is good, it is commendable, and violence is your “want”.
The Mechanics of Self-Destruction
To act through “I can’t” means to operate under colossal tension, completely ignoring it. But any system functioning to the point of wear is doomed. Even if you achieve your goal, later this tension will “hit” you back. Usually — through illness.
When you say “I can’t”, fear is present inside. It is material and lives in bodily sensations. But instead of immersing yourself in these sensations and dissolving them with attention, you start to sink further into tension, making a willful effort.
And we know: any actions taken on willpower only yield short-term results followed by a rollback:
– In diets: A person prohibits themselves from eating until the “spring” snaps and they are taken back even stronger — they start devouring everything in sight.
– In sports: Training through violence quickly turns into sabotage or injuries.
“Acting on willpower is like taking a loan with enormous interest from your own health”.
Life strikes where we are tense. This happens not because the world is cruel, but because any tension requires release.
The Ban on Feelings
“Are you a coward? Don’t be afraid”! — this was said in childhood. Or harsher: “Pull yourself together! Go for it”! They would call you out on your weakness. This meant one thing: fear was forbidden. It was “not allowed” to feel it.
But it hasn’t gone anywhere. It still lives in the body and seeks to come out — through situations, through people. It finds a way out, but… doesn’t escape. Because to react (shout, run away, hide) doesn’t mean to live through it.
What does an ordinary person do? They look for the reason outside. They get angry, fight, attack. It feels lighter, but only for a moment. Then — a new reason. And it seems like a “conspiracy” of fate: “Trouble has come — just open the gates”!
But the external is merely a consequence of internal tension.
The Healing Question
Instead of looking for culprits, turn your attention inward. Ask yourself: “What is in my body”?
If you feel afraid, don’t ask: “What am I afraid of”? Ask: “Where in my body do I feel this fear? How is it manifested”?
Allow yourself to feel this fear in your body. Direct your attention to the sensation itself, without escaping to your head, to familiar “cartoons” with terrible scenarios. Fear only has power over you while you are running away into reactions and explanations.
The Architecture of New Action
Many fall into the trap of interpreting the call to “face your fear” as a command to ignore it and leap into danger. No. You have already done this in childhood, breaking yourself in half.
Your new algorithm:
1. Become aware of the fear and discover it in the body.
2. Experience it bodily, allowing your attention to “dissolve” the block.
3. Transition to action from a state of resource.
The task is not to force yourself but to feel. And this art is worth learning. We are brilliantly trained to break ourselves, but in our basic “settings”, contact with ourselves is often failed. Without this foundation, it’s impossible.
Turn to yourself. Accept your sensations. Live them through your body… And then move forward. Not towards fear through tension, but with ease — towards your life, your ideas, and your dreams.
You can do it. Through interest!
Photo by Matei Marcu
Translated by Maria Zayats
Read also:
The Design of Fate: Why Our Desires Stumble Over Old Wounds
How to return to a resourceful state
Татьяна Ходакова
Практический психолог
Интегративный подход
