Tatyana Khodakova
Mom is the closest and dearest person, as we were once one whole. But the key word is “WERE”… So why do we often, without noticing it, live her life? We engage in what she dreamed of, think in her phrases, react with her behavioral strategies? And the quicker you thought “That’s not me”, the more likely it is that it actually is, just behind your mother’s voice echoing in your head, you haven’t yet heard your own…
Often, a mother takes pride in the friendship she shares with her daughter, but the stronger that “friendship,” the more accurately fate will reflect it. Yes, a mother only wishes good for her child, but that goodness is marred by the marks of her own “rakes.” And these paths lead to that painfully familiar “life-managing tool”…
The more a mother shares her personal “drama” with her daughter in order to teach her not to make the same mistakes, the more likely the scenario will repeat in the same genre.
So, should a mom be a friend? No! Then who will be the mother? Let a friend be a friend. A mother should be a mother, enveloping her child in unconditional love, granting the right to choose not from her options, but allowing her to have her own “personal rakes.” She shouldn’t insist on “family heirlooms,” but should treat the “rake bumps” with fragrant tea and pastries, not with a signature “collection” of questions, accusations, and screams.
And only then can we understand that we have the right to judge or approve our actions only ourselves. We will finally be able to consider the “umbilical cord cut” and our life as PERSONAL!!!
Pjoto by Vitaly Gariev
Translated by Maria Zayats
Read also:
The Art of Letting Go of Control
When success is more important than happiness
Don’t come near me! I’m offended
Татьяна Ходакова
Практический психолог
Интегративный подход
